The Flaw in my Godly Experiment: True Faith

I've been thinking...I've been thinking about the results of my Godly Experiment and all of the growth that has come from it in consequence. If you are unaware of anything I'm talking about, I'm referring to an "experiment" I did with God in order to see and record His movement in my life. My experiment consisted of me inviting Him into my classroom studies so that I could give Him my all and overall produce better results. I know God has the ability to make us wiser but I wanted to see if he could make me book smart as well as street smart. I set academic goals I wanted to accomplish in light of this experiment and went on my way. Long story short, the outcome of the experiment was not as I expected but I in turn gained so much more than I anticipated in the realm of learning about an ever Holy God. However, after revelations reached today, I see that there was still much to be learned. Before I go on check out, if you'd like, A Godly Experiment and A Godly Experiment Update. Although my intentions were good, as I embarked on this experiment, and even reflected on the results of the experiment, I forgot one fatal commandment that is so very instrumental to the subject at hand:

Deuteronomy 6:16: “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.”

Plain as day. The foundation of my Experiment was built upon James 2:17 "faith without works is dead." True, but until recently, I did not truly understand the meaning of this well referenced verse. Our faith in God should produce works. To believe in God is to love God. To love God is to know God. To know God is to obey His commands. This is how faith produces works. We believe what God says to be true so we have no problem living for Him and enjoying this life as He said we should. There has been so much confusion with this core value of Christianity because of the "name it and claim it movement" (which is not Biblical btw...at all) which basically tells Christians that we can get anything we want by using our faith in God to make it happen. "In essence faith is redefined from trusting in a Holy and Sovereign God despite our circumstances to a way of controlling God to give us what we want."

So back to the flaws in my experiment. Not only was I testing God, although His word says not to, but I was basically conducting a transaction of false faith. "God I will put in this work in the classroom so you can make me smarter and bless me with this GPA." Here's the truth about faith: Faith produces works but your works are for God, to please Him and confirm your belief in Him, not in that particular thing you want. In operating out of faith we must first accept God's will above our own. Psalm 37:34 tells us to "trust in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." We must accept His will above our own because we know we will be supplied with what is best for us. His word says He will give us the desires of our heart so although we may be earnestly praying for one particular thing now, God knows our true desire and He will bless us accordingly. So in essence, God does us a favor when He does not answer our prayers directly as we'd like Him to because there are something's we think we want because we see the situation from the outside looking in but if we truly knew what we were getting into we would've prayed for something different in the first place. Faith is trusting that God is ALWAYS looking out for our greater good.

In a nutshell:

Faith produces works but your works are for God, to please God and to confirm your belief in Him. You give your all in the classroom (in the case of my experiment)  to show God that you believe that He honors your hard work and will fulfill His promises, no matter what they may be because you know that He knows whats best for you. "I'm gonna do this God because I believe your word to be true. Not because I expect this specific thing in return, but because I know whatever you choose to bless me with will be more than enough and will surpass all of my humanly expectations."<--- true faith.

Until next time,

Camille4Christ

A Godly Experiment Update/Attacking Pride

This week has been a series of eye openers when it comes to me and my relationship with my Father. I just finished reading A Hunger for God by John Piper (which is a book about fasting) and true enough, just as John Piper warned, when we fast we allow God to reveal what is in our heart. Our true sinful nature is brought to the forefront of our lives and at that moment we are forced to either sink or swim. Going into the fast I knew there were things in my life that I struggled with. No one is perfect and I am not one to think that I am. However, its crazy and slightly refreshing to see God reveal to you something that you never even thought you had an issue with. My deep buried disguised issue? Pride.

Now if you've read the title of this blog you'll see that this is also supposed to be my Godly Experiment Update so I'll get into how this all connects right now. So about a month and a half ago I embarked on a journey where I put God to the test. I love putting God to the test because I believe His word to be true and in His word it tells us that His love never fails. So I'll find different areas of my life to challenge myself in with God being my deliverer. In the last instance, I decided to blog about it, so after everything is said and done (the experiment is complete), I can go back and see specifically how God has moved in my life. If you want to brief yourself before reading on about my Godly Experiment click here. Basically, I'd found myself in a situation where I was on a track to getting all B's in every single one of my classes, and to be honest maybe a C. I was frustrated with my intense studying and my hard work not being reciprocated in my test grades. This past semester has been my toughest academic challenge thus far and I wanted to ensure my success through Christ. I wanted to be smarter. Not wiser,  smarter. As in, "God can you bump me up a couple of IQ points? Thanks." I thought, if I were smarter, like the students in my classes that get A's effortlessly, I'd be happier because my higher grades would further ensure my future successes. The conditions of the fast were to invite Christ into every study session (let Him explain the material to me), strengthen my faith in Him, (trust that He will make me smarter), produce improved study habits because of my faith in Him, adopt His will above my own, and when its all said and done give Him the glory. My goal was to finish the semester with a 3.8 GPA. I was excited about inviting Christ in because to me it was a win-win situation. More Christ = better GPA. Sweet. So...weeks passed, studying happened, long story short I ended with a 3.4 for the semester. 2 A's, 3 B's. 2 of those B's were "forsure B's". I had given those classes all I had and was satisfied with the outcome. The last B was a borderline, as in, I-have-an-88-in-the-course-will-God-soften-the-professors-heart-to-give-me-those-two-extra-points-so-I-can-get-an-A? Finals week ended and I waited patiently day after day for my professors to post my final grades. The borderline grade, Income Tax Accounting, was the last one to post. As I opened the webpage and scrolled down to see my final grade my heart dropped when I saw a B next to my Tax Accounting course.

Yep. Just like that.

Instead of praising God for the B and my 2 A's that were also borderline (thanks to Him I made A's on my finals that ensured A's in the course), I pouted. All day I sat around, angry at God. "God made me get that B" was my attitude. *shaking my head*. I wanted a high GPA this semester not only because of my desire to have academic achievement, but because I am in the running for a top internship for Investment Banking, so the higher the GPA, the better. God knows I "needed" that A how dare He not make it happen? He saw how hard I studied! Faith without works is dead right? I gave you works God now why isn't Your faith promises holding up? I knew my actions were wrong and I would need to come around to face God sooner or later. I felt not only angry, but confused about the turnout of my grades and my Godly Experiment. I didn't feel like praying so I'd decided that I'd just force feed myself with the Word.  So after a whole day of pouting, finally around 6pm I sat down to open my Bible. I had read the first three chapters of the book Daniel the week before so I decided to pick up where I left off. Boy I didn't know what I was in for. After reading just one paragraph brokenness overwhelmed me. I suddenly became aware of my utter disrespect toward God and lack of reverence for who He is. At that moment I didn't even feel worthy enough to read His word. I felt like scum. I knew forgiveness was there at the mention of His name but I felt embarrassed to even ask Him to forgive me after my actions toward Him that day. So I continued to read. As my reading progressed my heart softened and I felt comforted by His words. The book of Daniel gave me prime examples of God's faithfulness against an ever-rebellious people. It didn't matter how much they sinned, God couldn't love them any less. All He desired was for them to repent and turn from the ways that separated them from Him and His arms were open wide waiting with acceptance. The book of Daniel also gave me illustrations of what true faith is. Reading Daniel, along with an interpretation of faith from a close friend, finally helped me understand that faith means "because I believe in You God, I will do ___" NOT "I'm gonna do this God, so You can bless me with this."And the crazy part about it all is that, prior to getting my grades back, I just knew I had it all figured out. (Don't believe me, read the blog below this one. Thought I had the whole "faith" thing figured out. Wrong.) I thoroughly enjoyed Daniel and I could devote a whole other blog about the things I discovered from its reading but there's one last thing I'd like to share about that experience. As I was reading I came across Daniel 4:37 "...And those who walk in pride, He is able to humble." Wow. At the reading of that verse joy began to fill my heart. In my moment of feeling so unworthy of God, and so low down and dirty, His word delivered a promise for my keeping. He's able to heal me! I don't have to be prideful! I'm already healed, I'm just overcoming the symptoms now! Wow God, thank you! Fullness, Completeness, Wholeness, is what I receive in His presence.

So here are the official results of my experiment. 

1) Although I didn't end up completing my goal of a 3.8 GPA, I gained something much more valuable. During finals week, I learned the true meaning of "giving God your all". Colossians 3:23 was my battle cry. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Finding strength in His word, I discovered what it truly meant to give my all, holding nothing back. When I truly gave my all I knew God was satisfied. AND, truly giving my all yielded two A's in my Money and Banking and my Financial Institutions Courses.

2) I learned that God is not a Genie in a bottle we can rub to pour out blessings. Although I learned how to truly give my all in the classroom and in my study time, it does not mean that God will go back and make all of my previous works disappear. Even though we are warranted by God's unmerited favor, we must remember that favor is a gift. Daniel 4:35 tells us "He does as He pleases." God could have very well made it to where I'd received that A in accounting, but I would've missed out on a very valuable lesson in pride. 

3) God provides the strength for us to persevere. During this experiment I found myself challenged by God to give a little more. In previous times where I'd stop at spending 4 hours in the library, God challenged me to do 5. He would not only challenge me to do more, but would also provide the strength for me to do more. Just as I thought I was brain dead and done for the day, at the mention of His name I'd be filled with endurance, true faith. "God I know what Your Word says is true so I have no problem putting in this extra hour." Faith produces work.

4) God is God. As mentioned earlier in this blog, one of the main reasons I desired a high semester GPA was because of it possibly increasing my chances of getting my investment banking internship. I believe God is telling me (in addition to everything else in this blog), that it doesn't matter what I do, what He has for me is for me. There is nothing that I can do to add to, or take away from that. I believe He wants me to know that when I receive this internship, that it was NOTHING that I did to make this happen. It's all Him. He is the sole giver of my blessings. So when I get the internship I won't be able to say "my GPA got me this". All I will be able to say, and will desire to say, is thank You.

Until next time,

Camille4Christ

First Blog!

11:13 pm, December 15, 2012

This week truly been an eye opening experience. Christ is so...Ah! Well I guess I should first explain what this new blog is all about and why I feel the need to document this season of my life. So I just got off of a fast yesterday. Five days, no food, not much water. Please hold your applause or accolades if you think any of that came from me. Fasting isn't something new to me, I've done many variations of it to seek the closeness of Christ in my life, and each any every time (if its done right) I come out of it filled with completeness and specific directions of where God wants to take me next in life. Here are some things I learned about myself and God during this past week:

• True Faith - how to have it; it's meaning; why we need it
• How to get answered prayers.
• How to control hunger/gluttonous eating habits.
• The importance of self discipline.
• I desire to first be a vegetarian then eventual vegan. (Basically, an all plant based food diet.)
• I desire to go natural. (No more perms)
• How to trust God.

Even now, looking at some things on that list is completely astonishing to me. If you would've told me a week ago that I would decide to turn natural and become a vegetarian I'd probably think you were out of your mind. But, then again, I know how real Christ is in my life and if He says go, then I'll go. So those are some of the new changes I'm about to make in my life but to be honest, this whole semester of schooling or past four months has truly been a season of rebirth. God has stripped me of everything I ever put my hope and trust in that wasn't Him and made it so that He was my one and only source of completeness. I'll be honest and admit that it was painful at first and still is. At times I still find myself clutching, grabbing, fighting to hold on to the things He desperately wants me to let go of so I can be filled with Him. I know its all for the better good, but even when you know who and Whose you are, you still have the tendency to want to slide back into old ways. Anyway, this new blog site and new series of blogs that I will write is dedicated to my journey to becoming a TRUE woman after God's own heart. Why is the word TRUE capitalized in the previous sentence? Was I not previously (before a week ago) a woman after God's own heart? The word true is capitalized because I'm tired of this...roller coaster. Sometimes I feel like I have one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom. I know this walking with Christ thing is an all-or-nothing type of deal and I want to give Him my all. I want to use this blog to document my progress and as a source of accountability. Even though I don't have many readers (or any for that matter) I know it will be encouraging to me to report my successes, mishaps, and discoveries to a place that I can call my own (this blog). I'm excited about documenting my journey to becoming a vegetarian and growing and accepting my natural hair. (Wow, even typing that last part about the natural hair felt weird.) 

Aside from all of the specifics of the new journey I'm embarking on, the main goal of me documenting everything, and the whole accountability of this blog is my desire to be the absolute best representation of Christ I can be. As a single woman, and even when I'm eventually married, Christ is and always will be my bridegroom. In other words, I am, and always will be (even when I have a earthy husband)  married to Christ first and forever more. Proverbs 12:4 says "A wife of noble character is her husbands crown". So since Christ is my bridegroom, and I'm His wife (Not only me, all believers. Christians are the Church that God died for. We are the bride of Christ. Source: Holy Bible, New Testament) I am the Crown of Christ. Therefore, I desire to be the best crown there is. I do not need to be a dusty crown, a lazy crown, a useless crown that does not shine and lacks luster. No, my ultimate desire is for people to look at me and see Christ. In that case, I need to look good meaning my appearance needs to be in check. A person's first impressions are appearances. Judging someone off of their appearance by first impression is not shallow its just truth. Before you get to know a person all you have to judge is their appearance. So in that case, I want to compliment Christ with my appearance. Before I even get a chance to open my mouth to say a word I want people to have an idea of who my God is. Secondly, I need to be healthy. Now, me seeking health is not something new. The year of 2012 has truly yielded growth in this area of my life. In this year alone I've completed my first triathlon, ran in my first half marathon, and started my own health and fitness ministry, Kingdom Fitness. To complete those athletic feats I've had no choice but to adopt a healthier diet. However, that isn't enough. I think one of the main goals of life should be to continually seek improvement. Meaning, whatever you do or whatever you've done, you will never "arrive". Basically, you can always do more. You can always do better, and that's what I'm seeking. My eating habits have improved substantially from what they were a year ago and even more so two years ago but I'm ready to take it to another level. I'm seeking to be the best crown, best representation of Christ that I can be. Your health is something of extreme importance in your walk of salvation. How do you expect to tell people of God's goodness if you're broken down, sick, and overweight? Or you may not even be to that point yet, still young and invincible. Your food intake determines your productivity. Food is to be enjoyed, as are all of God's precious gifts, but its main purpose is to be our fuel. The more fried, sugary, unhealthy foods you stuff yourself with the more unproductive you will be. I've had it argued to me that that point isn't true because overweight people get stuff done all the time just fine. True, but there is a distinct difference in the amount of energy you'll have throughout the day if your choice breakfast is a bowl of whole grain serial served with almond milk, peanut butter and honey (all natural) toast along with fresh fruit in comparison to a couple of doughnuts, eggs, and bacon. The simple carbs in the doughnuts will slow you down and make you more unproductive. Even if you finish all of the tasks at hand, so much energy could've been saved if you'd made the healthier choice to start your day. I could go on health tangents all day, which is not the intent of this particular blog, so if any of the past 3 sentences caught your attention, visit kingdomfitnessnow.com. My vegetarian interests have sparked from a good friend of mine telling me about a film "Forks over Knives" and his eventual plans of becoming totally plant based by next summer. After watching the film its not much of a surprise to me that I've decided to embark on the same journey since we are the same type of people and share alot of the same interests. Finally, the natural hair desire has come from a long buried conviction of not accepting my hair as God made and intended it to be. I grew up with getting my hair pressed and curled. I did not get my first perm until my 7th grade year of school and didn't start getting regular perms until high school. I died to get a perm but soon realized that there wasn't much hype to it. From then on up until about a month ago I've gotten perms and had relaxed hair. The deeper I got into my relationship with Christ I began to realize how disrespectful it is to Him. Its as if black women have told God "look we know you created us, but you didn't do it right so we gotta fix it". And when I started looking at it from that point of view it always kinda tugged at my heart. I've always been into R&B and my African American culture so I've come across the "I am not my hair" movements and read about permed hair being black women's way of conforming to the white mans standard of beauty. To all of  those arguments and viewpoints, I could not object. However, I just didn't care enough about conforming to go natural because I'm a person of convenience and perms are convenient for me. I'm an extremely impatient person. Goin natural? "Ain't nobody got time fo dat!" But here I am, going natural. I just hate I took so long to arrive to this conclusion since my past 2.5 years of college have yielded major hair growth (past my shoulders, right above the middle of my back) It sucks to think of having to cut it all off but I know I will be happier with the finished natural, thicker hair product. I don't think it'll be that difficult either to be honest. I wear weave during the semesters and let my hair "rest" during Christmas and summer breaks(that's how my hair has gotten so long these past years). My plan has always been to wear weave during college and by the time I graduate (which I was on the right track) my hair would be my desired length and I'd wear it from then on without the add ins . Now that's changed. I'm going to consult with my beautician first but I'm pretty sure I'll keep the same pattern with making gradual cuts to my hair until the perm is totally gone.  And I'm glad, because I have no time, patience, or desire to rock a mini fro. (Just not my style.)

Any who, I guess I'm coming to the end to this introductory blog. My goal is to have at least 2 blog posts a month but hopefully I'll be closer to 3 or 5. I hope to gain followers for the sole purpose of showing the world what a true example of a Godly woman is. There are too many examples of what NOT to do and hardly any examples of what should be. I desire to let women, men, whoever know that it is okay to be in a totally committed, on fire, relationship with Christ. I desire to be transparent in my downfalls and share whatever God is teaching me in my life at that moment. Most importantly, I desire to be a true woman after God's own heart.

Until next time,

Camille4Christ