NO FAVORITISM:: THE FEAR OF GOD :: CONTINUAL OBEDIENCE

The Lord has been dealing with me (and still is dealing with me) on some issues in my life that I absolutely must share with anyone who will listen. Before I get into anything I want to apologize for neglecting this blog these past couple of months. God has been so very good to me and I owe it to Him to share with all. To be brief, if you've read any of my previous blogs you'll know that I had been in the running for an Investment Banking internship. Long story short, God revealed to be back in October that I had the internship before I even had my first interview. (I hadn't shared that part of my internship experience with you all yet but yeah there you go...I will soon write a whole blog devoted to this blessing and what I've learned in the process.) In between the time of God revealing that to me up until the end of January  I continually doubted God and refused to trust in His word. Nonetheless, because of His goodness, He still blessed me with the internship. He not only allowed me the opportunity to intern this summer on Wall Street, in Manhattan, New York, but He opened the door for me to get recruited by the number one investment bank in the nation, Goldman Sachs. So this summer that's where you'll catch me, glory be onto God. However, back to the purpose of this current blog.

Lately I've come to a point of pure disgust with myself. My "falling short" isn't falling short. I make choices everyday and lately I've continually chose not to honor God in my everyday tasks. Like this morning I chose sleep over church service which made me miss out on a really good praise and worship session. The Holy Spirit has also revealed and explained to me the concept of no favoritism. God has no favoritism. The only difference between me and an unbeliever is my obedience. There are plenty who believe that Jesus is God and that He died for our sins. Yet, they will burn for eternity. The prize is given to the Christian whose faith endures to the end. He showed me that just because He has revealed some of His plans for my life to me and just because I have the desire for ministry does not mean I am entitled to anything. Once I stop being obedient I become like any other "Christian" that is doomed to hell. God will not let me slide with disobedience because of the "weight" I can (potentially) hold in the Kingdom. If I chose not to step up to the plate, God will use someone else to accomplish what He once planned to get accomplished through me. He showed me how I was being prideful in my mindset. He showed me how I am no better than anyone else, Christian or not. I'm not entitled to anything. Not even my next breath. I had it in my mind that because God has a plan to advance His kingdom through me that He wouldn't take my life as early as tomorrow. I know that He could, but I don't think that He would because if He did who would take over Kingdom Fitness? Who would do the things He has specifically tasked me to do?? 

SOMEBODY ELSE. 

Even though this isn't one of the happiest revelations I've received, I'm thankful for the fear of God that has been restored in me. I think that is my problem along with a lot of other Christians that are called to ministry. We see how God is using us so much to bless people and we start to develop a sense of entitlement. We start to think its okay for us to "fall short" here and there and it's even okay to intentionally sin because we are Gods anointed and God understands where we're coming from. "God knows our heart".  We are friends of God. God is our friend, He wouldn't allow us to burn in hell! He wouldnt come back at a time we're not ready for Him! He wouldn't take us "too early" before we have time to repent and get back on track! 

WRONG!!!! 

God is an almighty God and He has the right to do whatever He feels, regardless if we're "ready" or not. Besides, God gives us PLENTY of signs before hand to let us know of His coming. Just because we recognize those signs do not mean we are exempt from the consequences that are to come from it. I think this is why I am so frustrated with myself at this current moment. With all of these new revelations being revealed to me I know that I have NO CHOICE but to get my act together. However, I keep doing the opposite of what I believe. I hope that this week will be better. I hope that I will apply the fear of God to my life and out of FEAR I will get it right because it seems like love isn't working. I have enough love from God. My love for Christ has not kept me from sinning lately. My love for sleep seems to be more for my love for Christ because I choose sleep continually over spending time with Him, laboring in prayer, and getting into my word. Sleep is more appealing. My love for Christ hasn't kept me devoted and committed to spending time with Him and getting into His word. Even as I type this I'm thinking about how good my sleep is going to be and how good sleep is when I KNOW that I need to pray and read my bible. 

I've done a heart check and I do not like what is being revealed. I love the things of this world more than I love Christ. It's time for a change. I URGENTLY need a change. I cannot remain in this state any longer, I refuse. 

God please show me the way out. Teach me how to love You. Help me fall back in love with You. Help me to be more disciplined in Your word. Help me be continually obedient to Your calling. Thank you for showing me how wicked I really am. Thank you for justifying me. Thank you for healing me. Thank you for the increase that is to come. Thank you in advance for revealing to me how to be assured of my salvation without being prideful. Thank you for in helping me make my words match my deeds. Thank you Father. I love you.

Camille4Christ