Now if you've read the title of this blog you'll see that this is also supposed to be my Godly Experiment Update so I'll get into how this all connects right now. So about a month and a half ago I embarked on a journey where I put God to the test. I love putting God to the test because I believe His word to be true and in His word it tells us that His love never fails. So I'll find different areas of my life to challenge myself in with God being my deliverer. In the last instance, I decided to blog about it, so after everything is said and done (the experiment is complete), I can go back and see specifically how God has moved in my life. If you want to brief yourself before reading on about my Godly Experiment click here. Basically, I'd found myself in a situation where I was on a track to getting all B's in every single one of my classes, and to be honest maybe a C. I was frustrated with my intense studying and my hard work not being reciprocated in my test grades. This past semester has been my toughest academic challenge thus far and I wanted to ensure my success through Christ. I wanted to be smarter. Not wiser, smarter. As in, "God can you bump me up a couple of IQ points? Thanks." I thought, if I were smarter, like the students in my classes that get A's effortlessly, I'd be happier because my higher grades would further ensure my future successes. The conditions of the fast were to invite Christ into every study session (let Him explain the material to me), strengthen my faith in Him, (trust that He will make me smarter), produce improved study habits because of my faith in Him, adopt His will above my own, and when its all said and done give Him the glory. My goal was to finish the semester with a 3.8 GPA. I was excited about inviting Christ in because to me it was a win-win situation. More Christ = better GPA. Sweet. So...weeks passed, studying happened, long story short I ended with a 3.4 for the semester. 2 A's, 3 B's. 2 of those B's were "forsure B's". I had given those classes all I had and was satisfied with the outcome. The last B was a borderline, as in, I-have-an-88-in-the-course-will-God-soften-the-professors-heart-to-give-me-those-two-extra-points-so-I-can-get-an-A? Finals week ended and I waited patiently day after day for my professors to post my final grades. The borderline grade, Income Tax Accounting, was the last one to post. As I opened the webpage and scrolled down to see my final grade my heart dropped when I saw a B next to my Tax Accounting course.
Yep. Just like that.
Instead of praising God for the B and my 2 A's that were also borderline (thanks to Him I made A's on my finals that ensured A's in the course), I pouted. All day I sat around, angry at God. "God made me get that B" was my attitude. *shaking my head*. I wanted a high GPA this semester not only because of my desire to have academic achievement, but because I am in the running for a top internship for Investment Banking, so the higher the GPA, the better. God knows I "needed" that A how dare He not make it happen? He saw how hard I studied! Faith without works is dead right? I gave you works God now why isn't Your faith promises holding up? I knew my actions were wrong and I would need to come around to face God sooner or later. I felt not only angry, but confused about the turnout of my grades and my Godly Experiment. I didn't feel like praying so I'd decided that I'd just force feed myself with the Word. So after a whole day of pouting, finally around 6pm I sat down to open my Bible. I had read the first three chapters of the book Daniel the week before so I decided to pick up where I left off. Boy I didn't know what I was in for. After reading just one paragraph brokenness overwhelmed me. I suddenly became aware of my utter disrespect toward God and lack of reverence for who He is. At that moment I didn't even feel worthy enough to read His word. I felt like scum. I knew forgiveness was there at the mention of His name but I felt embarrassed to even ask Him to forgive me after my actions toward Him that day. So I continued to read. As my reading progressed my heart softened and I felt comforted by His words. The book of Daniel gave me prime examples of God's faithfulness against an ever-rebellious people. It didn't matter how much they sinned, God couldn't love them any less. All He desired was for them to repent and turn from the ways that separated them from Him and His arms were open wide waiting with acceptance. The book of Daniel also gave me illustrations of what true faith is. Reading Daniel, along with an interpretation of faith from a close friend, finally helped me understand that faith means "because I believe in You God, I will do ___" NOT "I'm gonna do this God, so You can bless me with this."And the crazy part about it all is that, prior to getting my grades back, I just knew I had it all figured out. (Don't believe me, read the blog below this one. Thought I had the whole "faith" thing figured out. Wrong.) I thoroughly enjoyed Daniel and I could devote a whole other blog about the things I discovered from its reading but there's one last thing I'd like to share about that experience. As I was reading I came across Daniel 4:37 "...And those who walk in pride, He is able to humble." Wow. At the reading of that verse joy began to fill my heart. In my moment of feeling so unworthy of God, and so low down and dirty, His word delivered a promise for my keeping. He's able to heal me! I don't have to be prideful! I'm already healed, I'm just overcoming the symptoms now! Wow God, thank you! Fullness, Completeness, Wholeness, is what I receive in His presence.
So here are the official results of my experiment.
1) Although I didn't end up completing my goal of a 3.8 GPA, I gained something much more valuable. During finals week, I learned the true meaning of "giving God your all". Colossians 3:23 was my battle cry. "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." Finding strength in His word, I discovered what it truly meant to give my all, holding nothing back. When I truly gave my all I knew God was satisfied. AND, truly giving my all yielded two A's in my Money and Banking and my Financial Institutions Courses.
2) I learned that God is not a Genie in a bottle we can rub to pour out blessings. Although I learned how to truly give my all in the classroom and in my study time, it does not mean that God will go back and make all of my previous works disappear. Even though we are warranted by God's unmerited favor, we must remember that favor is a gift. Daniel 4:35 tells us "He does as He pleases." God could have very well made it to where I'd received that A in accounting, but I would've missed out on a very valuable lesson in pride.
3) God provides the strength for us to persevere. During this experiment I found myself challenged by God to give a little more. In previous times where I'd stop at spending 4 hours in the library, God challenged me to do 5. He would not only challenge me to do more, but would also provide the strength for me to do more. Just as I thought I was brain dead and done for the day, at the mention of His name I'd be filled with endurance, true faith. "God I know what Your Word says is true so I have no problem putting in this extra hour." Faith produces work.
4) God is God. As mentioned earlier in this blog, one of the main reasons I desired a high semester GPA was because of it possibly increasing my chances of getting my investment banking internship. I believe God is telling me (in addition to everything else in this blog), that it doesn't matter what I do, what He has for me is for me. There is nothing that I can do to add to, or take away from that. I believe He wants me to know that when I receive this internship, that it was NOTHING that I did to make this happen. It's all Him. He is the sole giver of my blessings. So when I get the internship I won't be able to say "my GPA got me this". All I will be able to say, and will desire to say, is thank You.
Until next time,
Camille4Christ
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