Passion 2014/Expectancy

I just came back from Passion 2014 in Houston, Texas a changed woman. Changed. Inspired. Renewed. Tonight I made the decision to stop fighting God. What I mean by fighting God is me telling Him what He can do in my life, and what He can do in and through me. God has placed so many miraculous dreams into my heart that are purposed to change the world and I've kept a constant string of rebuttals. "Jesus are you serious?! Do you see how inconsistent I am?? Don't you see my lack of belief? My fear?! I'm sure you have other followers that are willing and more prepared to fulfill this dream." I was explaining this on the way home with my good friend and conference running mate Bianca, and she told me I was basically telling Jesus in so many words

"You don't know the real me." 

Those words left her mouth and pierced my heart with conviction. She was absolutely right. I was telling God, Jesus, the Creator of the universe who created me in His likeness and image, who knows me by name, who knows the very number of strands of hair on my head, who knows my thoughts before I even conceive them, who knew me in my mothers womb -- I was telling this God that He didn't know the real me. No, the thing is that I don't know the real Him. I've been seeking God for going on three years now. I've studied my bible, lead a ministry, and told numerous people about Christ and what He's done in my life. I've grown to know Him better than I ever before but in so many aspects I still don't get it. What don't I get, the gospel message? No. His grace? No. His unfailing love? No. I get that stuff and have lived by it and put my hope in it. What I don't get is how big ENORMOUS God is. Tonight I realized with clarity that I have limited God to my own human thought process and imagination. If I can't conceive it, God obviously can't do it. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All God wants us to say is YES and He will work out the sticky details in every situation. Tonight I told God yes and I am now EXPECTING for the great things He has purposed to come into fruition. But since we're on the topic of expecting, I must tell you about my recent revelation and how I even got to the conference.

I heard about Passion in 2012 and instantly wanted to go but it was held in Atlanta. I didn't have the money and forgot about it. In 2013 I saw it was coming to Houston and got excited but never made moves to buy my ticket. The money kept "getting away from me" and I ended up having to buy on the day of (first real payday at my new job). When I got to work I logged on the website and clicked "register", excited about my night to come. Suddenly, the webpage changed to "SOLD OUT"! which makes me think it sold out in that very minute of my registration. I was crushed, down all day. Even worse, this was Valentines Day and now I had absolutely no plans. As I was riding down the elevator in my building "something" told me to just walk to the Toyota Center (the conference venue) and see if there was any way I could get a ticket. I knew the chances we're slim, I'd spent all day looking at numerous ticket websites that sold the conference tickets. They too were all sold out. I work downtown and "coincidentally" a couple of blocks down from the venue. As I was walking I began to pray. I've been learning about expectancy in my faith relationship with God from one of my connect group leaders for the church I attend. I've had a hard time grasping this concept because I've over analyzed faith (who does that?? its simple.) and used the "what if its not God's will" logic to keep me bound and unexpectant of God's favor.   As I walked I began to pray and declare to God that I believe that He has already made a way for me to get into the conference, even without a ticket. I told Him I wouldn't be walking if I didn't truly believe and I'm ready for whatever adventure He was about to take me on. Walking closer and closer I told God that even if I didn't make it in I would be content with worshipping Him alone in my room that night. I reached the Toyota Center and instantly felt overwhelmed but simultaneously filled with peace. There was already a large crowd outside and in every single hand I saw a white sheet of paper which I knew was their ticket. With no plan in place, I walked across the street and let God have His way. I didn't know where to begin so I thought the best option was for me to start at begging and pleading with people in the ticket office. I knew they were most likely going to tell me it was sold out and that they were sorry. Then I thought "well this is a Christian event maybe someone will show me some GRACE" haha. Before I could even reach the ticket office to make moves on my minuscule plan a couple with a spare ticket in their hand approached ME. "Do you need a ticket?" I just stared at them in disbelief but in my mind I was screaming "HOW DO YOU KNOW?!?!!!" I finally got myself together I mumbled a strong but emotional "yes". The current price of the conference was $169 and the husband told me $100 is all he wanted. I didn't have to do any work. I didn't need to plan. All I needed to do is TRUST GOD and He PAVED THE WAY. THATS IT! "It is finished!"

Thats it. Thats all I have (for now). Expect God to be God, be obedient, and let Him have His way. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.

Until next time,
Camille4Christ

Passion 2014 Houston (photo cred: me ;-) )